Messy Desk,Messy Mind
- Nov 27, 2017
- 3 min read
Messy Desk, Messy Mind
When I was in third grade my teacher leaned over to the girl sitting next to me and said " A messy desk is a sign of a messy mind". I was taken aback by that comment, I thought my friend was smart, funny, and tons of fun to be with. So what if her desk was a little messy? Did that really mean she wasn't smart and had a " messy mind" ? I really didn't know what a messy mind was but it sounded scary and I wanted to make sure I wouldn't have one. I was careful to always clear my desk, making sure there was nothing visible on it. I considered myself a good student and didn't want to risk having a "messy mind". As the years went on the statement gnawed at me. What is a "messy mind"? Is it true if your desk is a mess your mind is a mess?
Perhaps the teacher was referring to challenges within the Pre Frontal Cortex, the area of the brain responsible for Executive Function. Executive Function is where organization takes place in the brain. I like to think of it as file folders, each folder responsible to organize the following essential tasks:
Organization of tasks, time, money, belongings
Attention/ focus
Working memory
Emotions/self regulation (self monitoring)
If someone in your family has challenges in this area you will know it! You may not know the term "Executive Function" but you do know they drain all your patience and energy. It is the child that you sent downstairs to get his backpack and comes back 15 minutes later with his sweater (after you have called for him a dozen times). It is the child that has lost 6 hats, 10pairs of gloves, and 4 pairs of earmuffs this season. It is the child who's papers are crumpled in the bottom of his backpack in a sea of crumbs and old snacks ( and lo and behold a half a pair of missing gloves!) It is the child who is up until midnight in tears that they will never finish their book report on time ( even though it was assigned last month). It is the child that is always interrupting as if nobody else is talking. It is the explosive child,the aggressive child, the dramatic child, the inflexible child,the incessant child. It is the partner who is working on a dozen different "amazing" projects but hasn't finished one, it is the partner who is coming home in 5 minutes for dinner with the kids and shows up when they're asleep. It is the partner who you cannot seem to talk to as they completely miss the point. It is one that when focused on what they are doing nobody or anything else exists, it is the one who insists on sticking to their plan even if the plan proves not to make sense. It is the one who either completes tasks quickly and haphazardly,or slowly and incompletely. It is the one who completely exhausts, infuriates and frustrates you, yet it is the one you love.
As frustrating as it is to live with someone with Executive Function Disorder it is more frustrating to be the one living with it. Those that struggle with Executive Function Disorder often are perplexed when those around them show anger or frustration. When your spouse brought home the onions you asked for, they are pleased they were able to help, they really have no recollection of the fact you asked for potatoes and are bewildered by your anger. When you tell your child to clean his room and he is excited of how proud you will be of the great job he did ( stuffing everything in the closet and drawers) he is heartbroken when you call his hard work a mess and thinks you are impossible to please!
The good news is, it doesn't have to be like this forever. This is not a life sentence there is much one can do to teach the skills that are lacking. In the next few posts we will explore strategies to help those struggling with Executive Function disorder form good habits until it becomes nature for them. In the meantime be compassionate to yourself and those around you struggling with Executive Function Disorder. Recognize their flaws are not intentional, grab a much needed cup of wine and check back soon for strategies to dispel "messy desks/messy minds".
Comments